Chambray Top, Gold Necklace: Thrifted.
Red Gavinas: Blowfish Shoes.
Nude Ballerina Skirt: c/o OASAP.
Cream Hair Bow: Modcloth.
Tomorrow is my 19th birthday...
...And today is my last day being 18.
It's a strange feeling growing up. Getting older. Moving on. You don't think about it in your day to day life, as the months go by. But when it comes to your birthday, it's a time to think and reflect on the past year. How you've changed, how you've grown, how you've become stronger. Sometimes I don't feel 18. I feel like this little girl, still so innocent and untouched by the horrors of the world thanks to my sheltering parents and a small town. Other times, I feel ancient. Worn down by inner sorrows and struggles, bad days and disappointments in myself. I feel like my forehead should have frown wrinkles, my eyes a hardened sadness, and my feet a bit of a heavier step.
I feel like I just had my18th birthday. I was excited to be an official adult. Open a bank account. Get to vote (which I will this November). I feel like I just had my 17th birthday. Overly enthused about being '17 reading Seventeen.' Looking forward to going to see that R rated movie. It doesn't seem time yet for August 1st to roll around and what that means for me. For this next birthday. My last 'teenage' birthday.
I knew 18th was going to be a big year for me. I could feel it. Eighteen is my favorite number and I wanted to make this year be a year I would remember
When I was looking back at some old posts from last year to get links, it was unbelievable how much I've changed. It wasn't really something I intended, tried, or even noticed. It just sort of happened.
I feel strong. Stronger than I ever have. Even with my recent bouts of depression, I can see and be proud of this girl I've become. I've overcome OCD, I can overcome this depression. I'm the heaviest weight I've ever been, but I don't think I've ever been more happy of my shape. I've had no 'real life friends' like always, but instead of moping around about it, I've accepted this and looked forward to someday having those friends I want. When meeting new people, I don't cower in fear, hiding myself. I'm goofy and weird and awkward and... Lauren.
For one of the first times in my life, I would actually want to be friends with Someone Like Me. I'm proud of this lady I've become. I'm excited for Kent. For starting out being a new, fresh me. Often in high school I wished I could have just started at a new school and shown everyone the 'real me.' Not anything based off preconceived notions, things heard, or biases. I'm looking forward to having a fresh start at being this person I'm finally happy with. And hopefully I can finally find some people who like this person I am, too.
So here's to my last day being 18. It's been the most incredible year and I'm ready to make my last year being a 'teenager' just as swell. Excited to take you along with me! ♥
With much love,
An eighteen year old Lauren.