Sad To See You Go.
SomeoneLikeYou Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Checkard Dress, Black Booties: Thrifted.
Tan Trench: Kohl's.
Black Knit Infinity Scarf: Target.
Camel Beret: American Apparel.
I believe the worst thing in life is when people change. It gets me every time; never getting easier as I go through life. I'm consistently nostalgic for the past and with the past there comes the past people from my life. I think about what they were like, how they made me feel, who I was with them, and how they were there for me. I think about the good times, yes, but I don't forget to reflect on that bad. But the bad don't matter when you love a person so much it hurts; when you would do anything in the world to never hurt them.
But people change. And they grow older and selfish and cold. They forget who they were and they can't see from the inside looking out the callousness that they develop. I don't know why people change. I know scientifically it has to do with environment and experiences, chemicals and hormones. But at the end of the day, with all of the scientific reasoning and methods I still have the same question; why do people change?
Why do they change and take the hearts of those who love them along for the ride? Dragging the heart in the mud, scarring it, tearing it apart on the journey. People don't forget who you were; they stay with that person. Sometimes forever. And I just don't know why for the love of God it's necessary for people to change and do this to those who love them because it's the most painful thing in the world.
I want to forget. I want to heal. But my love for a person in my past is so insurmountable, so overpowering that I can't let go. I know that the only way to move on is to accept that a person has changed. It's almost like experiencing a death. You have to realize they're gone forever, cope with mourning, and try to find a way to get through with that empty hole in your life.
I want to fill the hole up with so many things. I'd like to starve myself to feel control and cut myself to feel alive and date someone I don't care about just to feel loved and lay in my bed all day crying until every ounce of water is drained out of my body...but I know none of that will help fill that void I have for the person who isn't here anymore. Those things never will and thankfully, I realize that.
I'm always praying, always writing. Always.
With much love, Lauren.