Your Own Set of Lies.
SomeoneLikeYou Thursday, November 1, 2012
I was feeling pretty down last night for some reason. Just one of those funky moods you don't even really know why you're in. I went to NAVS though and as always, it had such a healing power on me. I realized through the speaker last night what I've been doing lately and what as people in general (especially girls) do.
We each have our own set of lies and beliefs that we have about ourselves. We start out life fresh and pure; with no insecurities and worries about how others might see us. And then we go throughout life and people say things and do things and situations shape us into having these irrational doubts about ourselves. We believe the lies everyone tells us about ourselves that are "true."
My lies I've been believing lately have to do with my previous relationship. He would tell me to lose weight, shape up, to wear different clothes, that I wasn't funny ,to shave my arms, that I shouldn't be so sad all the time, and the list goes on and on... By telling me these things; some years and years ago, others more recently, he left a lasting impression on me. I believe those things about myself; that I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough or happy enough because a person I cared about told me I wasn't.
I look at all of the guys on this campus of 27,000 people and I always think, 'Why would any of them want me? What's so special about me? Aren't I this, this, and this? Aren't I lacking this, this, and this?' So I've burned it into my head to think that no guy is ever going to want someone like me; just because one didn't.
And it's so wrong. Even though I've forgiven him for these things he's said to me, these lies I lead myself to believe still stick as hard as you try to let them go. You live on believing and rationalizing every bad experience to these set of lies because they become your truth.
I don't want to be held back by lies. These insecurities that plague my mind and send me flying backwards in my progress. I'm realizing though that the one who knows all of these things are lies and whom will always love me is Him. I constantly want to find love in these humanly relationships. For years in my relationship with Matt I held on because I thought I could find love in him and clearly, as it turns out I didn't. And I never would have. And even here at Kent, I constantly look for people to love me, fill that emptiness that Matt left. I look for someone to give me what I've always craved and dreamed... I place my faith and hope into people who don't even know me and I get upset when they don't live up to my expectations. Expectations they don't even know I have about them! How silly is that...?
I'm trying to let go of these lies about myself that I believe. To see me as God sees me; his beautiful child who yes, has flaws, but is beautiful and deserving of love. We are all so deserving of love. The kind we dream about ♥
What are the lies that hold you back?
With much love, Lauren.