Plum Lace Dress: Forever21.
Black Spiked Heels: TJ Maxx.
Red Beret: Target.
Gold Cameo: Thrifted.
It's a wonderful feeling to have friends. People who care about you. In high school, I always vehemently claimed that I didn't have any friends, that I was a complete loner. Looking back now though, I realized that I had so many friends that I didn't even realize I had. It makes me so sad I didn't appreciate them when I was at that point in my life. I thought having friends meant having someone who was exactly like you; had all of your common interests and was in synch with your thoughts. Turns out I had a really narrow definition of friends (and probably the reason why I didn't have many). Now I'm realizing now that in high school I had so many people there for me, accepting me as I was and being there for me. It didn't take them being bloggers, owning a camera, and spending the evening making up outfits to be my friend. Just being there for me was enough.
It makes me angry at myself for having such a narrow view and closed mind about having friends in high school. Why didn't I see the bigger picture? Why didn't I appreciate what I had? Because all of us appreciate things more when they're gone and I do miss the people from my hometown. They knew me by name, knew my passions, my loves, my life. As much as I thought they didn't know me...they knew me better than I knew myself.
So I'm trying to go into college with a more open mind. I don't have to have OHMYGOSH have every single thing in common with someone to be their friend. Just having an open heart to listen and understand and care is enough. Things have been working pretty well, too. I went out to lunch with two gals and talked for hours and then had a nail painting party tonight with them. Everything was so simple, but I appreciated it so much these girls will never know or realize. And I felt myself and comfortable with them, not the awkward girl who usually hides all of her flaws. But just Lauren today. She was enough.
Even though these past few days have been rough for me emotionally with everything that's been going on...having this little light has been a good distraction. It makes me feel alive and not like a sobbing, sad, walking mess. Tomorrow morning I'm going back home for the weekend and I.am.so.excited. I miss home, but I'm not homesick. Does that make sense? Probably not. I like my life here, but sometimes you just want to go back to familiarity. I just miss things. My bed. My kitty. Taking a bath instead of a shower (that's been a rough one). And especially my family. I miss them a lot. A lot, a lot.
With much love, Lauren.