Headin' Home.

7 comments

Hello there!
I'm writing to you from underneath the handmade, quilted covers of my bed at home. I decided to come visit home for this weekend after it having been a month since I left for college. I arrived last night and it's been nice to soak in the autumn feel my town has already started acquiring. 

I really can't place my finger on the big, one reason why I wanted to come home. I know I have missed my little sister a lot. A lot, a lot. I mean, I missed her last year, but I feel over the summer we grew much closer whether it be because of being with each other every day, or both of us getting older (I'm about as childish when it comes to fighting as she is and I'm 10 years older). Just to spend time with her is special to me and I really wanted to see her and snuggle on the couch with her this weekend.

I also can't place it, but I feel weird at Kent this semester and I'm not sure why. It's not that I'm unhappy, but it's not that I'm really happy either. I'm in this weird, kind of feelingless middle part. I know I don't deal with change very well and adjustment still might be getting the best of me. This time last year I don't think I really felt this adjustment period because I was in so much grief over my break up that I didn't worry about the things I am now.

Maybe what's bothering me is that I haven't taken my sophmore year by the reins like I did with my freshman year? I kind of feel stuck and in a lack of growth between last year and this year. It feels like things just left off where they were, and that's the problem. I want to keep growing and learning and making new experiences this second year of college. I guess I haven't felt like I've been doing that this year yet.

One of the main reasons I want to study in Italy next fall is just so I can grow up. I feel so unaware of the world and what's out there and I just want experiences and to feel like I lived. We're writing our own obituaries in my college writing class and instead of it being this morbid thing, it's more about focusing on what at the end of your life you hope to have accomplished.  I feel like if I had to write my obituary about my life up to this point it would be a lot of sleeping and worrying about every step I take. Not really how I want to feel at the end of my life.

Through all of these muggy thoughts and feelings I've been having lately, I do have a certaintly big bright spot I'm looking forward to at the begnning of October. It's helped give me some direction and feeling that I'm not just going through the motions in life. Can't wait to share it with you all...it's the biggest thing to ever happen to me!

I have a bunch of outfit photos I've been taking and just not posting. I don't believe in posting if I don't feel inspired to, so I want to save them for days I really want to blog. I did feel the need to just write and express my feelings tonight though, so I am always thankful I have a blog where I can do that.

Hope the week went wonderful for you all :)
With much love, Lauren.
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7 lovely little notes:

Andrea said...

I would definitely recommend a semester abroad :) it's such a radical change but amazing experience :) sometimes we all need home comforts though!
Hope you're ok! Keep in touch!
Andrea
www.lanouvellenoire.com xxx

Anonymous said...

No offense, I think you need to think about things less. Continually over thinking every little detail about why something is perfectly the way you want it, and even worse, blaming yourself or wondering what you need to change, is probably the cause of all your anxieties. I know you're a sensitive girl, but if you think less and just let things happen, you'd be surprised how much better you'll feel about most aspects of your life. Lighter, less stressed, better to yourself, and a better friend to others. It's great you are so in touch with your feelings, but they are most likely what is holding you back from the types of friendships and relationships you want, and deserve. Sometimes it's better just to suck it up then let your emotions constantly hold you down.

Ary said...
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Anny said...

Hello, I am a follower Italian!
I do not speak English ...
You will stay in which Italian city?
Ciao! :-)

|åƱȩȠȡȅɍ ȶῢⱠⱡⱣž said...

Chin up babe! Feeling like this is completely okay, it's all about growing up. And we do grow and change every single day.
I think that we do, as girls, tune into our emotions a lot and with college comes new experiences that can change how we feel on a daily basis. I think that also going from being a girl and blossoming into a young woman (I know I sound like someone's mom lol) is hard and I definitely also think that a summer in Italy will change you completely! In a good way ofcourse :) All the best with everything life throws your way. I personally love your style and will look forward to pictures soon. You're such an inspiration!! <3

Britney said...

I emailed ya girlie. Its okay to not be okay sometimes Lauren! Its okay. And ya know what, its actually good to feel like rubbish. Bc then you full appreciate happiness. AND its an indication that you need to do something more with your life so that you can be even more happy! You are awesome Lauren. Just know that.

hayley said...

i think a semester abroad would be great! i've lived in new zealand for a year for school and now i am living in nice, france which has been fantastic! i highly recommend living, and not just traveling, abroad

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