SomeoneLikeYou Friday, September 20, 2013
I'm writing to you from underneath the handmade, quilted covers of my bed at home. I decided to come visit home for this weekend after it having been a month since I left for college. I arrived last night and it's been nice to soak in the autumn feel my town has already started acquiring.
I really can't place my finger on the big, one reason why I wanted to come home. I know I have missed my little sister a lot. A lot, a lot. I mean, I missed her last year, but I feel over the summer we grew much closer whether it be because of being with each other every day, or both of us getting older (I'm about as childish when it comes to fighting as she is and I'm 10 years older). Just to spend time with her is special to me and I really wanted to see her and snuggle on the couch with her this weekend.
I also can't place it, but I feel weird at Kent this semester and I'm not sure why. It's not that I'm unhappy, but it's not that I'm really happy either. I'm in this weird, kind of feelingless middle part. I know I don't deal with change very well and adjustment still might be getting the best of me. This time last year I don't think I really felt this adjustment period because I was in so much grief over my break up that I didn't worry about the things I am now.
Maybe what's bothering me is that I haven't taken my sophmore year by the reins like I did with my freshman year? I kind of feel stuck and in a lack of growth between last year and this year. It feels like things just left off where they were, and that's the problem. I want to keep growing and learning and making new experiences this second year of college. I guess I haven't felt like I've been doing that this year yet.
One of the main reasons I want to study in Italy next fall is just so I can grow up. I feel so unaware of the world and what's out there and I just want experiences and to feel like I lived. We're writing our own obituaries in my college writing class and instead of it being this morbid thing, it's more about focusing on what at the end of your life you hope to have accomplished. I feel like if I had to write my obituary about my life up to this point it would be a lot of sleeping and worrying about every step I take. Not really how I want to feel at the end of my life.
Through all of these muggy thoughts and feelings I've been having lately, I do have a certaintly big bright spot I'm looking forward to at the begnning of October. It's helped give me some direction and feeling that I'm not just going through the motions in life. Can't wait to share it with you all...it's the biggest thing to ever happen to me!
I have a bunch of outfit photos I've been taking and just not posting. I don't believe in posting if I don't feel inspired to, so I want to save them for days I really want to blog. I did feel the need to just write and express my feelings tonight though, so I am always thankful I have a blog where I can do that.
Hope the week went wonderful for you all :)
With much love, Lauren.