Maturity.

4 comments
Top: Aeropostale.
Skirt: H&M.
Heels: Payless.
Earrings: Thrifted.
Lipstick: Tarte.

Hello there

I look so much older in these photos. They are very strange for me to look at because I think they reflect the growing maturity on the inside I've felt lately. It's not that I've ever really even been that immature. But I think I've had just the immaturity that comes with, well, being young. I started this blog when I was only 16 years old and at less than a month till turning 22 I don't even feel the same person. Not even half of the same person. 

Time is a very funny thing because it can feel like it's going so slow, but then when you look back you realize it actually flew by. I don't know when these changes in me occurred: they just did. Life just matures you. This past year I think has been exactly what I needed in every way, even if it didn't feel like it at the time.

Studying abroad for four months was hard. I expected it to be easy, to be carefree. But it came with a set of burdens and struggles I was not ready for. I was thrown bricks at every angle in all the places where I didn't think I would be hit. I found things out about myself in ways I didn't want to and the girl I always was sure I was inside wasn't who I thought anymore. I saw myself in a new angle and that was a maturing point for me. 

Then I had a break up about three months ago. This one was different than my first one because instead of what I thought I would feel, I felt things totally different. In no less pain than the first time around, but in a wiser, more thoughtful way. Being cheated on broke me. I am still recovering and most days I don't know what to think. The way I view relationships and men can't be turned back, and I see things with a much clearer view. Another maturing point.

And then there's been New York City, of course. I can't quite wrap my mind around it because when I was interviewing for the position at Cosmopolitan I remember (if I'm being honest) hoping in my heart a bit that I wouldn't get it. I was terrified of NYC. It was never something I wanted for myself and it was never even a thought or in my grand scheme of where I would end up in life. I was closed minded to thinking that because I didn't like big cities, I wouldn't like it here. I cried to my mom and was so sick over the fact that once I had accepted the internship, I thought I had made a mistake because I didn't belong in a place like New York City. But my world has been transformed here and I feel new again. A beautiful rebirth. Like studying abroad and being cheated on, I've reacted and survived to these situations in ways uncharacteristic to my usual nature. The old, timid Lauren fading away and a confident, independent, strong one taking her place. 

I feel a mess on the inside but yet there is a peace to this mess because I know little by little, I am figuring things out on my own through my 20's. No one has it together, and for some reason for years I thought I had to. Even before I came to NYC I thought I had to have it together. The truth is that I don't though, and I don't think I'll ever. The important thing to me though versus having it all together is this learning, growing, and maturing that I have achieved.  I think that is the greatest success I've had in the last year of all. 
Maturity. 

With much love, Lauren.
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4 lovely little notes:

Sammi said...

Really thoughtful and great post, Lauren. You look like a gorgeous Italian model in these photos! And I think blogging sort of allows us to look back from whence we came, maybe more so than the average person. I'm really proud of you (is that weird?) for pushing yourself outside your comfort zone and growing so much in such a short time. You constantly inspire me!

xox Sammi

Raquel Z. Duarte said...

Oh my gosh, that's like the perfect little black dress. Love your hair and makeup in this too.

Hannah Scott said...

This post is so true. It is amazing to see how much a person changes through the year. It is a glorious privilege too. Having lived, I have also learned that without the pain and heartbreak I would never become stronger. And I would never appreciate the good times when I have them.
On a different note, you are rocking this look! It reminds me of something Audrey Hepburn would wear. Absolutely love it!

Carmel Elizabeth said...

Basically I love this a lot. ^.^

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