SomeoneLikeYou Monday, April 4, 2016
But I'm sure you all don't need me to tell you that. Whether you have anxiety yourself or someone you love has anxiety, it can be exhausting to handle. My anxiety stems from my OCD that developed around when I was 12 years old. For a decade I've had to deal with this. Sometimes I just wish I was normal.
Life has just gotten to me lately. A potent mixture of school, work, and my imminent graduation in May. I've never dealt well with change, and with perhaps the biggest change of my life thus far impending my anxiety has just been through the roof.
It gets to a certain point where you don't even know what you're anxious about anymore. You wake up and go to bed with knots in your stomach and you forget what it even feels like to not want to burst into tears at any given moment. A good way to describe it is suffocating. You feel like you're internally suffocating, gasping for this air that your lungs can perfecting inhale. It's not the real air you need. It's a grasp on life.
I think anxiety is suffocating because you don't know how to get rid of it. If you're sick, you go to the doctor and are prescribed medicine. You're hungry, you fix dinner. You're tired, you take a nap. What exactly do you do when you have anxiety? You feel so helpless. I've been to therapy. I've been on medication for five years. I still feel like a small infant child who doesn't know how to do anything without her parents helping her.
I know things will get better. They always, always do. My anxiety comes in tumultuous, crashing waves then seems to dissipate without any reason. For me, what helps is knowing I'm moving forward. Anxiety can feel like you're crippled: like you're immobile. So what I try to do is be proactive and write lists so I can visually see what I need to do. Crossing off tasks is more than just an OCD satisfier. It's a way so I can see that I am working hard. I am moving along. I am continuing to fight for the things I want for myself.
Anxiety may suck but that doesn't mean it gets to own who I am.
With much love,
Black Halter (identical from F21): Aeropostale.
Sea Shell Wrap Skirt (similar wrap skirt): Thrifted.
Black Sandals (similar): c/o Boohoo.
Lipstick in MAC's Lady Danger.