Magenta Skirt: Thrifted.Teal Long Sleeved Shirt: Forever21.
Black Stilettos: Burlington.
Gold Chain Earrings: Thrifted.
Charm Necklace: Forever21.
So I figure it's time that I actually write about all of the issues I've been having lately instead of always discreetly hinting around that I'm going through a rough time.
So I figure it's time that I actually write about all of the issues I've been having lately instead of always discreetly hinting around that I'm going through a rough time.
Although it's something I've always struggled with, my loneliness is becoming quite more prominent. As my junior year winds down, I draw closer and closer to my dreaded senior year. I dread my senior year with such fervor because the person who has been here for me always,my one and only best friend and boyfriend, will be graduating this coming spring and will be heading off to college in the coming fall. Thus, leaving me to rot away in high school by myself. When I state by myself, I literally mean by myself with no other friends to help me through these supposed "best years of my life."
I'm in somewhat of a hopeless situation. The time is drawing nearer than I thought for my ultimate isolation from my classmates to occur. My boyfriend has always kept me somewhat in tune with my classmates because he is well liked, friendly, funny, and quite popular among our peers. Without him, however, I am considered quiet, weird, stuckup, a loser, and just plain different. It always seems as though I'm better at losing friends than I am at making them. I try my darnest to be friendly and make friends at my school, however, I always seem to just epically fail. It of course doesn't help that I don't swear, drink, smoke, do drugs, or have sex. Activities about 80% of my classmates participate in. Then if even for a short while people are interested in me, they find out I'm not actually interesting or fun at all and procede to abandon me.
I think that's what hurts the most is the abandonment. Being left behind while everyone else moves on. Throughout my life I've always been the one tossed aside by one group of friends or another. They use me for a short period of time, build me up to think I finally have found a group to belong in, then dump me. It's been the pattern of my life with friendships on and off for years, and I can never quite figure out why this happens to me. I just long to find one friend who won't abandon me. Who can love me for me and always be by my side. At this point in time I feel rather hopeless I'll ever find that person. I've tried and looked. Searched and gave my everything, but that person I long for so badly just never appears. I'm just so incredibly tired of being disappointed.
My last hope is to find this person at college, where everyone tells me I will find the people who will truly matter and be my best friends. But what if it doesn't happen for me? What if I'm doomed to live a life of isolation from society and loneliness forever? It's just so hard to have hope when I've been let down so many times. I pray for God to send me just one person to change my mind. To show me that I'm not alone in this cruel world...
A quote from my favorite book, Someone Like You, sums it up perfectly for me: "Life is an awful, ugly place not to have a best friend." I truly couldn't agree more.
With much love, Lauren.
