Pink Blazer: Thrifted.
Floral Heels: Forever21.
Key Necklace: Gift from Matt.
Today was the ideal day for spring break. I woke up from a tender morning of sleeping in to the beautiful melody of birds chirping outside. The sun glinted through the drawn shades of my blinds, cascading brilliant prisms of light across my walls. I got up, and took a soothing bath in hot water and lathered the most heavenly smelling lotion over my dry body. With my wet hair in a braid down my back, I snuggled up on the couch in my comfiest jeggings and panda t-shirt to start the second installment of The Hunger Games book. After a few hours of contently reading, I nibbled on cereal and a banana, keeping my pet kitty cat company. I made a short trip over to the local blockbuster to rent a movie I've been pinning after seeing for ages; Blue Valentine. I watched the heart wrenching tale of love with tears welled up in my eyes and finished it with a heavy heart- but not to say it wasn't brilliant.
Such a lovely day. Perfect really. I makes me worried though at how content I can be by myself. No one was in the house today, yet I did not feel alone. I had not obligations to people. No one I had to please, no one I had to attend to but myself. I'm coming to the realization that it's silly for me to always want someone to depend on and be there for me...because I'm nothing short of a hypocrite. I can't do it for others, so why should I be the one to want it for myself? Being alone for the rest of my life is something that plagues my thoughts so often. It's probably one of my biggest fears aside from death. The thought of going through life without friends. Without a husband. Without anyone to lean on. I want to be loved and love in return, but sometimes I just don't feel like I'm capable of it. I do too much wrong to other people and they don't understand that's not on purpose...it's just the way I am. I've been praying a lot lately not to end up alone in life. That I may stop disappointing people and letting myself down. Maybe someday I can do those things.
With much love, Lauren.
