Thoughts Before Graduation.

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Today I graduate from Lexington High School at 2 o'clock. I will wear a gold gown with a tassel that's purple and gold. I will have a medal around my neck, representing a high honor graduate. My family will all be there. My mother my father, little sister Gracie. All four of my grandparents, aunts an uncles. Matt, my boyfriend of five years. All with proud faces and tears in their eyes (I hope!). I wear a white dress underneath my gown. It's lace and makes me feel beautiful. Wedges on my feet- wouldn't want my heels sticking in the grass! It's the most beautiful day out today. Warm but not hot, sunny with a few clouds. It's breezy and perfect. I couldn't ask for anything better. The ceremony will be outside with my 210 classmates- 211 counting myself. All of the people I'll probably never see again. As much as I complained and griped, worried and hated them throughout these years I can say I will miss them. Miss their tendencies and their laughter, their smiles and their mischievous faces. They are the faces of my youth. My life up to this point.

There will be graduation speeches given by two of my classmates, the smartest in my grade. They will be full of memories of our years together, no doubt funny but heart breaking at the same time. I've been through so much these four years I can't wrap my head around it. Walking into high school the first day, scared to death. I had no friends (and I still don't) but back then it bothered me and now it doesn't. I started out insecure, self-loathing, lacking confidence. I've seen myself grow into someone who is fearless without inhibitions, who wants to take the world on and show it what she's got.

I was a people pleaser. Not quite sure of my style and what it was. I dressed to please others, to gain compliments. Now? I dress for me. To please my soul and please my passions and my individual voice. I went through many fashion mishaps, many times tripping in the hallway in my high heels. Many, many, many mistakes.

I found that I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. What I wanted to be who who I wanted to be. I thought about studying Spanish, I loved learning it. I wanted to be a Spanish teacher. Somewhere in time though I evolved. I realized I wouldn't be happy, wouldn't be pleased with what I was doing in life. This blog helped me see that. I took the chance to decided to study fashion merchandising in college. To go for an nontraditional job, but something that would make me the happiest girl in the world.

I toured a lot of colleges. Private, public, big, small. Close to home, far from home. But the whole time I knew in my heart where I wanted to go. Where I wanted to start the next four, exiting, scary, and life changing years of my life; at Kent State University.

I've been through it all these twelve years. Through the time where I threw up at lunch in the first grade, when milk was in pouches rather than cartoons. Being obsessed with Tamagotchis, to being even more obsessed with a certain guy in the seventh grade. I've had best friends who have turned into worst enemies, and friends who I thought were finally right for me but turns out, they weren't. I've been through AP Calc and suffered, and even tried my hand at playing the trumpet (but I was never very good). I was nominated for homecoming court, picked as the best dressed student, and won the best dressed senior superlative. I was on swim team, dyed my hair pink, and then quit. I've been disappointed in my classmates, disappointed in my abilities, and disappointed in myself. I've been everything under the sun and back. My high school journey had been this incredible experience that I never want to forget. It was hard, it was hurtful, it was exciting, , boring, trying, and fun I must admit.

I am soon to be a high school graduate of the Class of 2012.
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10 lovely little notes:

Anonymous said...

C: waaaaaaa you are not more a highschool gurl!!

a new life starts here,you know? do your best please!! and never give up in your dreams!! everything is possible <3

oh! and CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! YOU DID IT!!! :) you best dressed senior superlative and high honor graduate! WE ARE PROUD OF YOU!and your family as well!:L

H. said...

Beautifully written- congratulations! I really hope you'll enjoy college- it was some of my best years and I learned so much about myself from it :)

Eva said...

Congrats on graduating! Right now, like you once were, I'm definitely struggling with that "finding myself" bump in the road. It's so frustrating! Because I want to be who I am, but I'm still not sure WHO I AM. Biggest cliche, but I'm still trying to figure out my style and my interests and everything. And then sometimes I'll morph into this person who is DEFINITELY not me just to get the attention of a guy or to "fit in."

I think at the end of the day, I'd rather be a total outcast than be average. I want to be special!

I love your blog, I'm following! What you wrote was beautiful.

xx Eva
stylewandering.blogspot.com

Marie Danielle said...

Congratulations Lauren!! :-)

Celia said...

Congrats Lauren!! I have so enjoyed how you let us walk your journey with you- your triumphs are our triumphs, and I'm so excited for you. God bless! Love, Celia

Teddi said...

very heartfelt, & well written dear lauren! :) wishing you all the best.

Alice, Pretty Confused said...

Congratulations! I hope that your final day at high school can be perfect. I just know you're gonna succeeded in anything you do, and I can't wait to read about it as you do xo

Kezzie said...

Congratulations! I can't wait to hear more!

Fionnuala said...

What a beautiful post, you should be very proud on everything you've achieved!x

Victoria / Justice Pirate said...

if only you were able to give this speech at graduation! hehe. Very nice!

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