Sunshine and Floral Prints.

24 comments
Floral Skirt (worn as a dress), Pink Fossil Purse, Tan Steve Madden Heels, Tan Floppy Hat: Thrifted.
Lace Half Tee: c/o Half Tee.

I feel like I should never under any circumstances refer to you all as my followers, readers, ect. Those titles are too impersonal, too 'condescending.' What I really feel like is that you are my best friends. Gosh, the best friends I've been hoping and dreaming and wishing for my entire life.

I never feel worthy of much. I feel like a screw up too much of the time and not worth everyone's love and attention. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but you all really do put me in awe and totally make me feel unworthy of the love and support you all give me. I avoided looking at the building comments on my last post all day, for some reason scared. It's not that I thought I was going to get a bunch of negative comments and bashing I guess, but more of that it would be an affirmative to you all that I really am a crazy person. But you all don't make me feel so crazy anymore.

I think one of the scariest things about depression is feeling so alone. Like no one understands and no one is going through what you're going through. This disease isn't touchable, isn't tangible. You can't see it, you can't feel it physically. You can feel it inside you though and that's scary. A pain that no one can stop or take away. You yourself can't do anything about it sometimes. But hearing how so many of you have gone through depression and come out on the other side gives me so much hope. Hope that this isn't all my life will always be. Hope that there's something more.

I don't really know why never talked about my depression on here. It's something I think I've had for a long time but been too scared to talk about. Most days (and still) I just can't get the words out though of what I feel. I feel embarrassed. Ashamed. Like somethings wrong with me. Of course, that's how I felt at first with my OCD and now I've grown to proudly say and show it's a part of who I am. I could sit here typing and typing endlessly all of these thoughts and feelings that I can't get the right words to convey what I mean and I feel like I could just go on forever and ever...

But of course I won't put you all through that.

I felt much better today though. All of your sweet words lift me up. I spent some time by the pool, received a beautiful pastel frock in the mail I ordered, took a nap, and took some beautiful photos that healed my soul. These outfit photos actually aren't it though. These are from an entire week ago that I never got around to posting....when I was too depressed to post.

I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday just to talk and figure out things. I'm not sure about medication yet. At my last doctor's visit though ironically enough he talked about possibly upping my dosage of OCD medicine because of my growing anxiety and college and all those things...hmm, doctor's are mind readers.

Thank you all for ever word. every comment. every email. every message. every post on my facebook wall. every thought. every prayer. and every piece of love you throw my way.

I'm going to get better and I'm going to take you all with me...♥ 

With much love, Lauren. 


P.S. I am so ridiculously honored to have been interviewed by College Lifestyles the other day...if you'd care to read about my thoughts of going to college, my journey with insecurities, and a bunch of other little snippets; read away here!
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24 lovely little notes:

CarleeJ said...

You look absolutely love. I read your post yesterday and it brought me to tears. You are such a sweet girl! You have tons of support behind you! I will be praying for you Lauren. You look so lovely in these photos.
Carlee

http://almostendearing.blogspot.com/

Britney said...

I feel like such a bloody stalker! Commenting again woop woop!!
Feeling alone is one of the scariest feelings, isn't it? I feel alone or the odd one out all the time! Which I know I shouldn't. I should be more friendly and open about things. Rather than being guarded and then I wouldn't feel alone.
Anyway, there I go talking about me again :P
What I wanted to say is that you are amazing! And you aren't alone :). You are such a wonderful young adult and at college you will be even more yourself and more wonderful :) I am so proud of you for even going to see a doctor.
That just shows how amazing you are. Sometimes we just need to be reminded of our awesomeness.
And I'm going to shut up now before I waffle on again like yesterdays comment.
HUGS AND SUNSHINE!
-Britney of Lemonwood and Honey :)

Britney said...

And also. We need to know sadness to fully appreciate and understand joy and happiness.

Emily said...

I don't comment on every blog post, but I do read them and you are always in my prayers. Don't ever be afraid to say what you need to say and do what needs to be done. All will be well in the end, even if it's not in the way you expected.

Valencia said...

You are so beautiful. Lovely outfit. I'm glad your feeling better today! Stay strong lauren <3

Rachel Emma (Daydream Frenzy) said...

you look great! love the lace details :)

xx

Katie Elle said...

We have never talked, but I think you are the loveliest person ever. I feel like if we ever lived in the same city, we'd be good friends. You just seem so...real, you speak so eloquently and you always look so gorgeous.

By the way, congrats on being featured on Chictopia's homepage the other day!


http://www.katielikeme.blogspot.com

Laura said...

I absolutely love this outfit, so cute and girly. I always wear skirts as dresses too, but I really love how you wore the lace top underneath it! Hope you continue feeling better, because you deserve it, sweetie. :)

xoxo,
Laura
http://lauraisthriftingthroughlife.blogspot.com/

Georgia said...

You look gorgeous and you are so pretty!!! Feeling inspired, may finally be able to wear that lace top sitting in the back of my wardrobe:) Thanks, xo

georgexoxo.blogspot.com

Anonymous said...

You look beautiful!
I have been through depression many times, I even attempted suicide when I was 15 years old (I am 22 now). I felt so alone and I hated my life. I had problems at home, with my stepfather and I was bullied at school. And I didn't like myself, I thought that I am ugly and that no one will ever love me. But I overcame it with God's help and help of my mum and some friends and it is much more better with me today.
I really wish you all luck, you are wonderful person and I hope that you will be all right soon. Never give up! :)
Olga

Vicki said...

Lovely outfit!(: I love the dress/skirt!

I completely understand what you're going through, having gone through it myself many times, and then again recently, though in a very mild case...not feeling like doing anything other than what I need to do to get by. What I do to get out of the "trench" is to just bound out and get back into living instead of slowly easing myself out. It's what works for me, anyways, just because of how I am--I need to be busy!

Best of luck to you!
~Vicki
deckedoutinruffles.blogspot.com

Sian Thomas said...

Lauren, I'm so sorry you feel like this, it's something you really don't deserve and nobody does. I hope that talking about it and seeing somebody might make it a bit better. It's so difficult to start with, but you need to be able to trust people and talk to them about how you're feeling. There are a lot of people out there who'll be able to help you, but it will be difficult.
I had an awful 'therapist' (not really sure what you'd call him!), because I had an eating disorder and got sent to see him at school. I had to be weighed every week, and one week after I'd been weighed, he took me to his room and said: 'Well, to say you have an eating disorder, you haven't lost much weight this week.' Once I realised he wasn't helping and spoke to my parents and school housemistress and matron about it, I finally had the courage to talk to people who would help me, then I could finally help myself.
If you ever need to talk, I know there are plenty of people out there, but you can always send me an email =)
xx

R said...

Hi Lauren!

I have too same problem like you. I often feel lika a load for the people around me. (I have bad english, sorry :->) I have moved the family to family,teenage home to teenage hom, in more than three years now. Today I live in a foster home. I have too my problems like everybody else, but you know you can't take the time back even if you wish more than anything. One thing you can do is just go on with the life!
I often think to just go on with my life, but it feels hart to go on. It hurts. Sometimes I can be in my room a full day, without eating and dricking.
Sometimes I feel that my brain will explode. I mean it's not easy.
But the life goes on!

Good luck!
With love R from the blog:
http://ladolcevita.looky.se/

R said...

Hi Lauren!

I have too same problem like you. I often feel lika a load for the people around me. (I have bad english, sorry :->) I have moved the family to family,teenage home to teenage hom, in more than three years now. Today I live in a foster home. I have too my problems like everybody else, but you know you can't take the time back even if you wish more than anything. One thing you can do is just go on with the life!
I often think to just go on with my life, but it feels hart to go on. It hurts. Sometimes I can be in my room a full day, without eating and dricking.
Sometimes I feel that my brain will explode. I mean it's not easy.
But the life goes on!

Good luck!
With love R from the blog:
http://ladolcevita.looky.se/

Kezzie said...

Hug to the pretty lady in the floral dress!!!x

Marisa Noelle said...

So happy you are feeling a ray of hope Lauren and feeling all the love and support you have around you! It won't always be this way - for me it wasn't. Life is all about seasons - some winter, some spring. Getting things out there is sometimes the best remedy to begin healing:)

I saw this post on instagram and had to swing by here and take peek. You are such a doll! I just adore how you've so brilliantly have layered this dress. Every outfit you put together is always so classy and ladylike - just like you:) Have a wonderful day darling! xx Marisa

Isabella said...

Lauren, I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this sort of sadness. As I teenager I can relate, but I'm sure I have no idea what you're really going through. Just know that all your readers or "best friends" love you and will be here for you every step of the way. You look gorgeous by the way.
Thanks for the sweet comment on my last post. xo
http://viewsofnow.com/

Emily said...

You look absolutely beautiful Lauren. And I'm honored to be known as one of your friends, because although I've never met you, I see you as one of mine:)

Don't feel ashamed about your depression! Its nothing to be ashamed of, it just makes you even more relateable!

Love, Emily <3

Ashley Holloway said...

I like the idea of "followers" being friends, such a lovely idea! I am sure you will be able to get your depression under control, you have a lot of people that truly love you! Throw yourself into the things that make you happy! My thoughts are certainly with you <3

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