Floral Skirt (worn as a dress), Pink Fossil Purse, Tan Steve Madden Heels, Tan Floppy Hat: Thrifted.
Lace Half Tee: c/o Half Tee.
I feel like I should never under any circumstances refer to you all as my followers, readers, ect. Those titles are too impersonal, too 'condescending.' What I really feel like is that you are my best friends. Gosh, the best friends I've been hoping and dreaming and wishing for my entire life.
I never feel worthy of much. I feel like a screw up too much of the time and not worth everyone's love and attention. I know I shouldn't feel like this, but you all really do put me in awe and totally make me feel unworthy of the love and support you all give me. I avoided looking at the building comments on my last post all day, for some reason scared. It's not that I thought I was going to get a bunch of negative comments and bashing I guess, but more of that it would be an affirmative to you all that I really am a crazy person. But you all don't make me feel so crazy anymore.
I think one of the scariest things about depression is feeling so alone. Like no one understands and no one is going through what you're going through. This disease isn't touchable, isn't tangible. You can't see it, you can't feel it physically. You can feel it inside you though and that's scary. A pain that no one can stop or take away. You yourself can't do anything about it sometimes. But hearing how so many of you have gone through depression and come out on the other side gives me so much hope. Hope that this isn't all my life will always be. Hope that there's something more.
I don't really know why never talked about my depression on here. It's something I think I've had for a long time but been too scared to talk about. Most days (and still) I just can't get the words out though of what I feel. I feel embarrassed. Ashamed. Like somethings wrong with me. Of course, that's how I felt at first with my OCD and now I've grown to proudly say and show it's a part of who I am. I could sit here typing and typing endlessly all of these thoughts and feelings that I can't get the right words to convey what I mean and I feel like I could just go on forever and ever...
But of course I won't put you all through that.
I felt much better today though. All of your sweet words lift me up. I spent some time by the pool, received a beautiful pastel frock in the mail I ordered, took a nap, and took some beautiful photos that healed my soul. These outfit photos actually aren't it though. These are from an entire week ago that I never got around to posting....when I was too depressed to post.
I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday just to talk and figure out things. I'm not sure about medication yet. At my last doctor's visit though ironically enough he talked about possibly upping my dosage of OCD medicine because of my growing anxiety and college and all those things...hmm, doctor's are mind readers.
Thank you all for ever word. every comment. every email. every message. every post on my facebook wall. every thought. every prayer. and every piece of love you throw my way.
I'm going to get better and I'm going to take you all with me...♥
With much love, Lauren.
P.S. I am so ridiculously honored to have been interviewed by College Lifestyles the other day...if you'd care to read about my thoughts of going to college, my journey with insecurities, and a bunch of other little snippets; read away here!
With much love, Lauren.
P.S. I am so ridiculously honored to have been interviewed by College Lifestyles the other day...if you'd care to read about my thoughts of going to college, my journey with insecurities, and a bunch of other little snippets; read away here!
