It's been a stressful, exhausting day. But a good one nonetheless. I feel happy. Content. But still scared out of my mind. Yep, definitely that.
It was long and daunting unpacking all of my things and I must admit I freaked out about the whole thing more than I ever should have. I mean, I was expecting packing to be stressful, but I didn't really realize how bad it was until my anxiety and OCD kicked into overtime. Thankfully everything is set up now and I feel like I'm at home. I have Audrey Hepburn looking down at me on the top bunk and Christmas lights delicately wrapping around my bed post. My diary is to my left, waiting to be filled with all today's adventures, and in cut out letters, the word 'dream' is on my wall. It is truly heaven.
It didn't feel real though leaving my parents, saying our goodbyes. I didn't cry like I thought I would. They didn't cry like I thought they would. Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm going to wake up tomorrow and my dad will be in the kitchen, reading the paper at out worn out table. My sister will be watching the Olympics- even though they're long over. And my mother. My mother will be waiting for me to go to Mcdonald's with her and get her extra large unsweetened ice tea with extra ice and four equal. The same thing she's been getting four times a day for thirty years. I'm crying for the first time today now and I don't know why. Maybe because from now on, everything is different- never going to be the same.
I've wished a lot of today though that I could call him. Tell him about everything, like I always planned to. To tell him what I feel and what I fear and that I'm excited. But then I have to stop and think because it's not like that anymore, and it makes me sad. So, so sad. I know things will get better though. It just takes some time to heal and forget.
But I feel so comforted in knowing that at the end of each day, this blog is waiting here for me. A place of familiarity, of home, and of my friends. It makes me feel less scared, less like I'm in this totally unknown place all alone.
But I feel so comforted in knowing that at the end of each day, this blog is waiting here for me. A place of familiarity, of home, and of my friends. It makes me feel less scared, less like I'm in this totally unknown place all alone.
Tomorrow will be another long day but I'm looking forward to exploring and adventuring. I can't wait until I fall asleep so I can wake right up and start again. I am feeling every emotion a human can feel tonight.
Here's to new beginnings.
With much love, Lauren.
With much love, Lauren.
