I guess I wanted to protect him, not having him totally be ragged on my family and all you guys so I didn't tell anyone (not even my parents). He had an intense texting relationship with her and hung out outside of class. He knew it upset me but did it anyways, to the point of our almost break up. It wasn't until the girl realized that the whole thing was wrong and stopped texting Matt all together that we decided to give things another chance. I thought I could win him back over, make him not want another girl again.
At the ending weeks of our relationship he started texting another girl. One I knew from school, who I was acquaintances with. I knew he was into her but I chose to ignore it, not wanting to be controlling. He texted her in the weeks following our break up, and two days after our break up wanted to get together and hang out with her. After I got super upset he didn't (to my knowledge). This is the girl he was with last night.
I know it wasn't cheating but it feels like the equivalent to it. Emotional cheating. With two different girls. He liked both of them and didn't have the courage to tell me or admit to himself. He's a coward.
He's always been a coward. I went to his house today to drop of all of his things. I can be a super irrational person sometimes, but when I make a decision to do something meaningful to me, I do it. So last night I knew I wanted to give him all of his stuff back. Stuffed animals, old lotions, photo booth pictures, and a box of hundreds of letters that he'd written to me over the years. None are recent though- he didn't even give me a birthday card this year.
Anyways, I went to his house, so nervous and his parents came outside. His mom hugging and crying. Me sobbing because I'm going to miss them so much. They let me throw all of his stuff in the drive way and drive away. But not before Matt came outside smirking, telling me that I didn't understand, that I needed to hear his side of the story.
He never wants to admit he's wrong. I've had his parents, his friends, and people at the festival who saw him all tell me what he's been doing. Confirm everything that he's done and he still won't admit anything to me. He still won't apologize, admit he was wrong. That's what hurts the most I guess. Being lied to and not even receiving an apology.
I know you don't want to hear about all this. You probably think I'm being irrational, over dramatic, and immature. I am some of those things. Actually I'm all of them.
But I'm actually something else, too. I'm strong and I can get through this. I deserve someone better who will take pictures with me and go to my family events. Who will talk to me about something other than himself and ask me how I'm doing. Who will dance with me at a dance and not care about what people think and if he looks stupid. Who will love my body the way it is instead of bashing it and trying to change it. And I deserve someone who will treat me with respect and not do something like this to me.
I hope maybe someday Matt realizes that he will never, ever find someone who cared about him more than I did. He lost that all though. And he isn't ever getting it back.
With much love, Lauren.
P.S. Thank you for all of the flood of support you all gave me. I could say you're incredible, but you already know that. You all lift me out of the darkness of my sadness and into the light ❤