Lace Blouse, T-Strap Heels: Thrifted.
Cream Skirt (actually a dress tucked under): H&M.
Floral Crown: Handmade.
If you couldn't tell from my slew of posts this week, it's been a rough one. Clearly I've been emotional and a mess (I fully realize and admit it) and I don't know why it hit me so hard this week. I get all sorts of opinions on how I should feel and what I should be doing to get better and some of them are good intentions from those who care; and some are just harsh and non-understanding. As I've said before, I hold myself together quite well. Going about my day, I am smiling, going to class, engaged, and focused. I am strong. It may seem to you that all I am is weak, weak, weak because that's all I post about on here; my weak days and my weak feelings. At the end of the day of being strong and pushing through, this place is my solace to let it out and cry because I've kept it in all day, trying to move on with my life and get better. We all deal with situations in different ways and I happen to be very emotional and open about mine. I don't want to still be hurting this much 6 months from now and by letting out what I feel and allowing myself to hurt, I hope I can prevent future hurt. I don't want to feel like this forever.
Throughout all this I've been trying to be more appreciative though of what I do have in my life and that's a great support system. Seriously, an incredible one. Tonight I feel happier than I have lately which is strange because I was a mess this afternoon. My mother is indescribable. Every time I call her, upset about something, anything, she's there...she has shown me the most unconditional kind of love that breaks my heart because I love her so much and am so appreciative for everything she's done for me throughout this whole break up. Another lady in my life I don't know what I would do without is Matt's mother. We've always been close and I thought through this break up I would lose contact with her and it really upset me. I call her about once a week and talk though and she is like a second mother to me. I just love her so much it makes me emotional because she has been there for me, every step of the way, listening to her son's ex girlfriend with such an open heart and open ear. I don't know what I would do without her in my life. I've made a friend here at Kent named Erin who I hung out with tonight and is beyond amazing. She's the friend I've always wanted and it means so much to me to have her tell me like it is, no sugar coating things so that I can see and get better and heal. She just made me so happy tonight because I finally have found someone who I can connect with and gets me. And lastly, there's all of you guys. I have received so many emails it is insane and inspiring. Every single one makes me cry because you all open up to me and tell me your stories and struggles to help me with mine...and it's so selfless and such an act of love that I am so appreciative of. I have people from my high school (!), the United States, and even around the world email me, rooting me on and supporting me.
So even though I have so much sadness, there is so much light, as well. My life at Kent here is beautiful and I'm so appreciative of every second of it and every person in my life. I know you all don't want to read about all this sad stuff and truthfully, I am SICK of writing about it...but it helps me heal and it gives me the strength I need to keep moving on and keep moving towards happiness. Happiness that I deserve.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart,
With much love, Lauren.
P.S. Sorry I'm so sad/tired looking in these photos. Like I said, it'd been a rough day.
