You Make Me New.
SomeoneLikeYou Monday, October 22, 2012
Denim Button Up: Target.
White Eyelet Dress: Delia's.
Pearl Necklace an Bracelets: Forever21.
Tan Riding Boots: Old Navy.
Hello, hello everyone and long time no see!
How I missed you all, but I had the most incredible, life changing weekend... It sounds so corny but I feel like a totally new person. A new Lauren. The happiest Lauren I've ever been. Not just saying I'm happy, but really and truly feeling it from the bottom of my soul. I've never felt this before.
I went on a retreat this weekend with a Christian group called The Navigators (NAVS) to Indiana. I spent two and a half days , realizing that I've been living for nothing the past 19 years of my life. I was raised Catholic and went to church every single Sunday, almost never missing a single mass. I was baptized, confirmed, and the whole shebang. I thought I was a follower of Him and I never really doubted anything.
But I've been lonely my entire life. Let down time after time with people I love with all my heart. I've felt depressed, suicidal, empty, and everything and anything a person should NOT feel in their life. It took going to this retreat this weekend to realize what I've been lacking and saying what I've had and what I've been for all of my life when in fact...I'm not.
I've been living a lie for so long I can't even remember when it started. I get to this retreat and everyone is so advanced and just leagues and leagues ahead of me. I felt like an infant. I realized, truthfully, (and boy is this embarrassing) that I don't even know how to use a bible. I literally don't. And I was so filled with anger at myself for wasting 19 years of my life ,going through the motions and not giving myself to Him with all my heart.
On Saturday we had a huge worship session and there was a time where the band played and sang and everyone could silently pray. And for some reason, I just became so overwhelmed as I realized...' what am I doing with my life?' I went over to one of the staff members and just collapsed into her arms, a sobbing, shaking mess because I realize that I've been trying to find love in all the wrong places for so many years.
The reason I've felt so empty is because I haven't given myself to Him and haven't relied on Him to be the only one who will never let me down. He will be the only one who will always love me unconditionally.
I left Indiana with a lot on my mind and I still do have a lot on my mind. Ever since last Saturday when I went home for the weekend and had one of the lowest points in my life...I've just felt this unexplainable happiness and peace. I think that God realized that night when Matt went to homecoming with another girl that I needed help and I needed Him. And then then Sunday morning, as crazy as it sounds, I was just...better. I don't know why, I don't know how, but from last Sunday, all of last week, this past weekend, and even today I have been filled with this happiness that I have never felt before in my entire life. It's incredible.
I'm not going to turn this into a Christian blog or anything, but I just thought it was really important to share this weekend and these changes I've been going through lately. I know religion/believing is a touchy subject, but it seems like all I write about are touchy subjects on here so I suppose it fits right in, ha! But like I said, it was an important milestone I feel in my life that I wanted to tell you all about just like I do with everything else big that happens.
I'm just so happy everyone. I can't even tell you. So, so happy.
With much love, Lauren.