Blue Dress: Modcloth.
Red Trench, Blue Beret: Forever21.
Black Boots: Thrifted.
Lately I've been stumped about what to write when I put together blog posts. I sit here, staring at my computer screen, racking my brain through the day's memories, trying to find something interesting to tell you all. Something, anything. I used to be able to write exactly every feeling and thought I felt so easily. I blogged through my loneliness, my OCD, my depression, my broken friendships, my break up. So after all this I have no clue what to write about because...
I'm finally happy. It's that weird place where I never thought I'd be. Never suspected I'd end up. I am completely and utterly in love with life. My life. I don't think I've ever really written about 'happy things' on this blog. If I have, they've just been little posts about misicsule life happenings. I can't remember a single one of my posts where I wrote about something happy; none stick out in my mind.
I feel strange writing about happy things. I don't know how to take them and it sounds so silly but it is completely and honestly true. I had accepted a long time ago that I would just always be this bitter, angsty, lonely girl in life who was constantly searching for something more.
Writing about frivolous and light things just seems so empty compared to what I used to write about but those old topics just seem beaten into the ground. I've relived these moments of my life the past few years a thousand times as my fingers furiously type across the key pad, tears cascade from my eyes, heart with a painful, dull, sinking feeling. Hitting publish. Looking back. Reading a moment in time I felt and hurt and was real.
But with as strong as the feelings of sadness the feelings of happiness are just as strong, if not stronger. A true happiness that exudes from your soul. Even if the day is bad, even if everything goes wrong I can't help but to smile and still have this strange sense of inner contentment that keeps me going. This.This is what I've been searching for, guys...and I think I'm at such a loss of words, such an inability to write what I feel because it's like any feeling I've ever felt before.
I laugh until my cheeks hurt and tears stream from my eyes. I smile up into the sky even on the most cloudy days. I hug my friends and wipe away their tears, cherishing every moment with them. I drink the best cups of coffee and relish in the feeling of pure satisfaction. I call my parents, excited and smiling, telling them about my day. I fall asleep at night, stumbling over my words to say to God to say how thankful I am. I go to concerts, stay up until four in the morning, be accepted for who I am, eat all the junk food I want, talk to my 'dream' type of guys, study what I love every day, and read the bible, getting chills.
This is life. My life. And I don't want to write about sad things anymore. I want to write about what makes me happy.
With much love, Lauren.
P.S. Isn't my necklace a total and utter beaut? I can't even get over how perfect and whimsical it is. Gahh, can't get enough of Katie Dean's jewelry. It makes me so excited to see a designer start a business from the ground up because as a fashion student currently, I know how hard it is! Check out her other beautiful pieces if you'd fancy ♥
