P.S. For some reason my outfit post didn't show up yesterday. Here it is if you missed it! x
Valentine's Day Thoughts.
SomeoneLikeYou Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and for some of you, it already is! ♥
I don't know how I feel about Valentine's Day this year. Since I was fourteen years old, for five years, I had a valentine every year. The same one. As soon as I really came 'of age' to have a Valentine's Day with a boyfriend, I had one and have had one ever since. I didn't know what it was like to celebrate this holiday alone. It was always getting a dozen roses as he showed up at my front door with that goofy smile. Me baking him heart cakes. Dancing to our song by the Goo Goo Dolls. Going out to our favorite restaurant and getting the same meals we got for years. Knowing someone cared enough to want and love you, no matter what.
It's very strange not to have a Valentine this year. Not even just a valentine, but him. It's been hard experiencing all of the holidays these past six months without him. Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, his birthday, and now this. I don't know what it's like to not celebrate this holiday with him. I feel weird. And I feel empty.
The past few weeks I've been pushing this holiday out of my mind, trying to think it doesn't exist and it isn't coming but it certainty is, and it's tomorrow. I'm nervous with how I'll feel. If I'll cry, if I'll think about him, if I'll be sad. I don't want to be, but feelings just happen, you know?
But with always having had a 'sweetheart' I didn't really realize how beautiful this holiday is just to celebrate love in general. Being single this year I've gotten to show and experience back love of different kinds for Valentine's Day that I didn't see before. Family love, friend love, and love of the One who loves me endlessly. Valentine's Day isn't too bad after all.
It's hard moving on and something I've been struggling with. Sometimes I think I push myself too much and should just let things be. But then again, I don't want to think I didn't try and let myself wallow in my misery. I'm going speed dating tomorrow which should be fun (and interesting). I'm going to hang out with my best friends. I'm going to call my family and tell them how much I love them. And you know what? It's going to be okay. Really. Even though not a day goes by that I don't miss him, that I don't wish I could get one more bundle of a dozen roses from him, that I could have that warm, familiar hug...It'll be okay.
For the first time in awhile I truly believe that.
See you all tomorrow for Valentine's Day with a very holiday appropriate outfit :)
With much, much love Lauren.