Free.

17 comments
Mint Dress: Delia's.
Mint Blouse, T-Strap Heels, Necklace: Thrifted.
Beret: Target.

Today is the day I am finally set free. My heart, it's so happy it could burst. It's filled with excitement, anticipation, love. It's whole now and able to do all of the things it couldn't before because of such darkness. A darkness that sucked me in and out, back and forth, round and round. Never ending. It's done. It's gone. It's over with.

I got the news today that set me free. A half a year ago I would have been crippled, in so much emotional pain to receive this news. A few months ago it would have had me on my knees in desperation, desolation, and depression. But today it didn't do any of those things. This news set me free. I wanted to cry from happiness and relief when I heard and at that moment, it was like a string was cut. A string was cut and all of the baggage from several months was lifted and carried away. Just like that.

I've had a really rough past half a year. Probably the most emotionally exhausting of my whole life. Things I never thought would happen, never end up like this, did in fact happen. Did in fact end up like this. I held on so long to something that's been gone for more than a year. I had this obsession of making everything better, the way it was, and stopping what I knew was the most horrible thing I could think of happen to something I loved. I took it upon myself when it wasn't mine to take upon, but I couldn't let go. I don't know how many people told me to move on, let things happen, to let someone else handle it. I couldn't help myself to do everything in my absolute power to save this.

My whole life circled around it. My dreams. My thoughts. My journal. My conversations. My blog. I thought of every possible solution I could try and I tried every single one of them. The solutions were far fetched, ridiculous, and detrimental to myself. But I didn't care. If I could stop everything, help, then it would all be worth it.

But as time went on, I realized that no matter what I did, it didn't matter. I started seeing things for what they really were instead of what I thought they were or what they used to be. I took blow after blow after blow. Was led in and out and all about time again and was crushed so many times I can't even remember. Each time though brought me closer to free. I could feel it coming, I could feel it making sense.

I prayed that He would set me free. From all of the suffering I've had to go through. He anwsered my prayer today and gave me a new heart. It doesn't hold the resentment, anger, frustration, hurt, vengeance that it has these past few months. All is forgiven. I've done a lot of wrong myself with what I wrote about and how I wrote things. My words would come from vengeance and hate and ashamed, wishing I could take it all back. But all of that is wiped clean. In my heart I don't feel all of that anymore. I don't feel bogged down by all of the pain.

I wouldn't take any of what I did back. I wouldn't change the way I did things, wouldn't change how much I cared, tried, or loved. Because if I had just listened to other people, I would have never found out for myself. I would have never learned so much about what I deserve and what I don't deserve. What is love and what love isn't.

I only feel free and so excited for what the future holds. Every second of it, every day. It's going to be beautiful and I'm so thankful that this dark period I was in for so long is over with. I have friends to go back to. I'm so excited! They're everything I could have asked for. I love my school, I love my major and I'm looking forward to continuing it next fall. I have studying a semester in Italy in the works for my junior year which sends me over the moon. I went job hunting today and it went better than expected and I have my fingers crossed that I can get a retail job. My family loves me unconditionally, is always there for me. And I have this blog. This little, tiny blog that gives me hope for my future and my writing and my growing personal style. I have over 850 people who are there for me, without ever having met me, who give me the most incredible advice, comfort, and love.

I am so proud to say; I am free.

With much love, Lauren.
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17 lovely little notes:

Anonymous said...

The moment I saw the pictures, that huge, beautiful smile on your face and the way you're just glowing, I could just tell something incredible had happened today! I'm so happy for you, and I just know God will continue to bless you and shower you with His love. You're such an inspiration to me!
-Michaela

Anonymous said...

Wait, so did something actually happen or were you just like *Poof* Magical Fairy Land of Freedom Laaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! ? *ahem* just wondering.

SomeoneLikeYou said...

@Anon #2,

Yes, something did occur in my life that made me finally feel free, but it's been a series of events and one final one solidified everything :)

Vicki said...

You look beautiful, Lauren! And I love your outfit--that mint green is so pretty!

Your post made me think of a Bible passage--"if the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed" (John 8:36). I'm happy that you're so happy and free.(:

~Vicki
Decked Out in Ruffles

Anonymous said...

I like how if you would just look through your blog sans text and only pictures, you'd distinctly be able to tell which posts you are happy and which posts you're struggling. You're absolutely radiant when you're happy.c;

Rebekah Bradford said...

So glad to hear you're free :) Anyways, I love this outfit so much! Love the color of the dress and style of the shoes! I have brown shoes that are very similar--and I love them :)

http://findingmyinspiration.blogspot.com/

Lauren said...

You're perfect.

Sophie said...

Italy sounds so exciting - so glad things are looking up for you!
Sophie
X

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you! Keep your happiness and positive attitude!
Olga

Nerd Burger said...

About time you woke up and saw just how many people love you.
I can't wait to see what this new happy chapter of your life with uncover. :)

Kezzie said...

Amen!x

Hannah said...

What a glorious day to be set free! I'm very happy for you and am glad to know that your prayers were answered.

You are beaming in these photos! And that dress is gorgeous. How appropriate to wear a minty fresh color! ;)

Jamie Rose said...

Hooray! Glad to hear you're feeling better!
You look absolutely gorgeous in your lace mint green dress. Such a beautifully spring-y outfit. You look wonderful, as always!

Mariña " La Marquesa" said...

love the combination!

Jeannee said...

A beautiful piece of spiritual writing - may God continue to richly bless you!!!

Laura said...

Yay! That is so exciting! I'm so glad that you are feeling better. :)

xoxo,
Laura
http://lauraisthriftingthroughlife.blogspot.com/

Teddi said...

hooray!

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