Maxi Skirt, Butterfly Romper, Wedges: Thrifted.
Lipstick in Lime Crime's My Beautiful Rocket.
When you stare at your face after years and years every morning you memorize it. Intentionally, unintentionally. You see the things other people don't see about your face. Sometimes you highten the imperfections, making them out bigger than they actually are. Other times, you miss the small details that make you beautiful.
This is what I see in my face.
I have two dull brown eyes. One is bigger than the other when I smile and they're shaped differently. It always makes it hard to make even cat eyes with my eyeliner. I like my eyes when they smile and I don't like them when I don't smile. They have this sparkle when I smile and other people, when they take pictures of me, tell me to do that smile when my eye sparkle. I know exactly what they're talking about because I've seen it, too. It makes it so you can tell when I'm happy, and when I'm just pretending. I have a mole underneath my right eye, it's almost too tiny to see but I love it. It reminds me of my favorite Bratz doll when I was younger, Yasmin; she had an identical one. My mascera always smears underneath my eyes and creates dark smudges I'm embarrassed of; I need to invest in waterproof. Or some tissues. On the left side of my face on my upper lip I still have the hint of an elevated scar where when I was 10 I fell and scratched my face on the latch of the cage for my pet bunny. I put scar fading medicine on it every day for a year and it's still there. My face is obnoxiously round and has no definition and one side of my face looks different than the other. I don't even think the two sides look like the same person. So when I take pictures, I only show my left side because I don't like the right. It doesn't look like me. I didn't used to have a butt chin but I think I'm getting one now. How does that happen? My bottom lip is so full it spills over. It's my favorite. I love to apply ample amounts of red lipstick to it, accentuating its pout. My top lip, it draws to an uneven cupids bow that always is a pain in the butt to put lipstick on. No matter how hard I try it always looks dumb. My teeth are all straight even after not having braces (the only luck I've ever had). They're probably the only thing I'm confident to show; the only feature I have going for me. The hallows of my cheeks have tiny, brown scars on them from old acne and on my forehead there's fresh bumps from my always greasy bangs that clog my pores. I always try and brush my bangs over the blemishes so no one can see, changing my side part depending on what area of my forehead looks bad that day. My eye brows are what surprise me because I never thought I would want defined brows. As a little girl I was so eager to pluck them, get rid of my unibrow (truly). And now I love their definition. They add strength and a timeless look to my face. I take good care of them, always filling them in every day with eye shadow, trying to draw attention to them rather then my eyes. It's not like anyone would be looking at them anyways. Someone once told me that the first thing that makes a boy like a girl is her eyes and then I got disappointed. Because who would ever love mine? I have what people have said is 'the perfect nose' but I think it's just ordinary. A nose is a nose after all.
This is what I see in my face with every fleeting glance in a reflective window, every long gaze after washing my face and seeing it bare with no makeup. Sometimes I recognize myself and other times I wonder who in the world is the girl staring back at me. She can be hideous, ugly, ordinary, imperfect. She can be beautiful, classic, and sparkling
What do you see in your face? What do others see in it?
With much love, Lauren.
