SomeoneLikeYou Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Polka Dot Blouse, Dooney and Bourke Purse: Thrifted.
Orange Lace Dress: Fig Leaf.
Beret: American Apparel.
Oxfords: c/o Lulu*s.
For the past year or so I had the notion that if I stopped taking my depression medication, I would be fine. It's been such a long time since I've felt that darkness and often times I thought, could it really be that bad? How can this itty bitty pill do so much for me? I got too confident in myself and although it is important to be confident in Christ that He can get you through all things, there is a certain point where medical intervention is necessary.
Remember a few posts back when I said I wasn't feel well? I was plagued by this awful dizziness that left me unable to walk or do much besides close my eyes and lay in bed. I couldn't figure out why I had it for days, but no other symptoms. Then I felt the shift. I started getting really...angry. I'm not a particularly angry person, but for no reason at all I would just look at people and hate them. I began isolating myself and not even wanting anyone to see me, let alone talk to me. I was short and bitter when talking with my parents, even though they had done nothing to me. And then I started crying, sobbing, for absolutely no reason at all.
I knew I had felt all this before, it was so familiar but felt so far away at the same time. Almost like I didn't experience it, but instead remembered it from a dream or something. It was depression.
I ran out of my medication about a week ago and thought I had another bottle of three months worth to get me through until my winter break. When I looked in my drawer, there was none. The prescription couldn't get refilled and it would be delayed even more because my parents would have to mail the medication to me here at college. It only took a few days for it to get out of my system, and you're not supposed to stop cold turkey, but rather lower your dosages gradually. With the sudden stop, the dizziness occurred and it is scary to believe how fast it took (around 4 days) for my depression to return.
I thought I was invincible. I thought I could do it on my own and be okay. Thankfully, I'm back on my medication now, but it was a real wake up call for me. Sometimes you need a little help, and that's okay. It's alright that I can't do it on my own. For some, they can, but for me I know I need this medication to live a normal and happy life. I'm just thankful now more than ever that it allows me to do so every day.
With much love, Lauren.