Vintage Cape, Black Loafers, Wool Hat: Thrifted.
High Waisted Jeggings: Aeropostale.
Nordic Sweater: c/o Chicnova.
Lipstick in MAC's Russian Red.
In nearly six more months it's hard to believe I'll be 21. Which is really strange for me to think about because I mean...didn't I just turn 20? That was August, Lauren (come on, keep up dummy). But it's had me thinking lately with 20 being almost half over what 21 means.
It means I'll legally be allowed to drink in the United States.
I've never drank before--not even a sip of alcohol. It doesn't make me 'better' than anyone, it doesn't make me superior or smarter...it just means I haven't drank and for people who drink underage that's their own prerogative and decision. Since it's never been legal for me before, thinking about drinking has just never crossed my mind until recently with the realization that I (can?) in half a year. And it has me wondering what I'll do, really. I don't really want to drink. I have no itching desire and I'm actually (call me a sissy) quite scared of it.
With my OCD, I love to be in control. I don't like to do anything where I cannot control my actions and what I'm doing. And the thought of willingly doing something that makes me lose control actually really scares me. Now I know that one drink isn't going to knock me flat on the ground and have me riding mechanical bulls, but at some point it could. It's the thought, the chance. I don't know where my limits stand and the thought of pushing them doesn't really appeal to me. It's been quite awhile since I talked about my OCD, but it's very specific in that I'm completely terrified of throwing up which, is a side effect of drinking too much. I know it takes a lot of alchol to throw up, but even just the thought that it could be possible if I were to drink terrifies me.
And then on the other hand I feel just this duty (?) to society to drink. Not really a pressure, but just that it's like this rite of passage to have drinks on your 21st. Will I regret if I don't do that? It sounds silly and stupid, but I'm an insanely sentimental person and I'll never get that 'first day to legally drink' back. But then again, do I really want my reason to drink to be just because 'it's what you do on your 21st birthday?' Or do I want it to be when I'm ready, when I feel confident, and when it feel completely my decision?
I guess society just has this way of drilling into us that we have to drink, that it's just a part of our culture (At least in the US it seems). There's no right or wrong time to start drinking, preferably when it's legal, but like I said that's other people's decision and that's fine. But I suppose it's okay to drink or not drink after you turn 21; at the end of the day it's your decision and your right.
What my decision yet is I'm not quite sure. I suppose I'll let you know in another six months.
With much love, Lauren.
