Surprise Me in Burgundy Dress: Modcloth.
Cream Loafers: c/o Pink and Pepper.
Lipstick in MAC's Diva.
You may find me crazy for wearing a short sleeve dress outside when it's snowing in January, but I'll tell you somethin'. When it's -40 below for a good three days, 28 degrees doesn't feel half too bad. That cold weather messed with my mind and now I think I can obviously go runnin' around in bath suits in the winter. Yeesh, hope to see you never again, 'Polar Vortex.'
On a more serious note, let's talk about something that's been bothering me lately. Jealousy. Not with others being jealous of me, but me being jealous of others. I hate jealousy. I think it's one of the worst human emotions to experience. It literally feels like you're evil and you can't help it from consuming you and taking over all of the good parts of your heart.
I'm generally not a jealous person, but I was sent into a fit of it a few months ago when I found out someone I went to high school with got an awesome opportunity that I would have loved to have had. I felt like they didn't deserve it, and I did. And it made me so jealous to know that this person was living out one of my dreams. It's continued to bother me all of this time. This inner hatred of someone who didn't even DO anything to me. They're just living their life the best they can like I am. As hard as I try, I find it hard to shake this jealousy and it stinks.
Am I just going to go into moping rage every time someone else gets something I want? Well, that's going to happen to me a lot over the course of my life. There's always going to be people who maybe don't 'deserve' something but they get it anyways, and there's always going to be people who beat you out for things you want. That shouldn't stop me, or you, in our tracks. I don't know if it's worse the fact that I am jealous or the fact that I've let the jealousy bother me so long. I have no reason to be jealous. I have a beautiful life where I've been blessed with so many things and opportunities. I go to an incredible fashion school, I was in Seventeen Magazine, I have over 1,000 awesome followers, and I'm going to Italy next semester For Pete's sake!? Why do I feel the need to want what someone else has?
Because I'm fallen. I am sinful. It's frustrating, but it just shows me all the more human I am. I am ashamed to talk to God every night because of this darkness in my heart over this jealousy, but I know He loves me anyways despite that. And that's even more humbling. He sees all of my darkness and accepts it and loves me anyways. How many humans can you say do that?
If you all have any tips on dealing with jealousy or verses to combat jealousy, I'd love to hear them! I know it's something we all experience, but it just stinks to go through sometimes, you know? x
With much love, Lauren.
