Floral Romper: c/o Lulu*s.
Hinder Flats: c/o Pink and Pepper.
Lipstick in MAC's Chatterbox.
♥
This will be my fifth summer taking outfit photos for this blog. I can't even really remember what summer is like not going on these little adventures with myself into nature where it's just my thoughts and I. It might be my favorite part about blogging--this time of just peacefully taking pictures alone and exploring. To me it has never seemed conceited or vain to do this, but I know to a lot of others it might seem strange or even self centered. But for me, it has never been about taking photos of myself. It's more about the release I get while taking them and this...feeling I get. I don't know how to explain it; do any of you other personal style bloggers get this? This feeling of overwhelming happiness and contentment just to express yourself through multiple creative outlets?
It's not really until I get out of the moment of me just being alone that I actually begin to feel embarrassed about what I do. I was thinking about it today and I came a conclusion I hadn't realized; I think I'm actually embarrassed of this blog. It's not that I'm not proud of the work I do, I love what I do. But it's just so strange and weird that I don't really expect other people to understand it or try and get why I love it so much. I never realized that I avoid talking about my blog, try and divert conversation away from it, and get just generally all sorts of awkward when anyone, even friends and family, ask me about it. It doesn't feel like this big accomplishment to me or anything to brag about--I've just always seen it as this simple thing where I write and post photos I take of the outfits I wear. There's nothing commendable or brave or even noteworthy about any of that. Most people I know in real life know I have this blog, but sometimes I wish they didn't because it's just...embarrassing. I don't really care what people think of me usually, but it's just embarrassing because most probably think I'm horribly vain and obsessed with myself to have been taking self portraits nearly every day for the past four and a half years...
I guess it's just hard to convey what this blog means to me and what everyone else might see it as. I wish I could make the two images into one and show the thoughts and feelings I have on the inside rather than just feeling rather dumb about what I do here. I know I shouldn't feel that this blog makes me 'dumb', but sometimes I just do... even though that's the last thing I feel when I'm out on my own just doing what I love.
With much love, Lauren.
