Deer Dress, Wide Brimmed Hat: c/o OASAP.
Nude Oxfords: Forever21.
Besides a slight mention here and there I really haven't talked much about my boyfriend on here in the few months we've been dating. I know a lot of you expressed that you really did want to hear about him and would be interested in me writing about him. I just didn't want him to become another 'gimme' topic to write about here on the blog, and at first I didn't feel super comfortable at all really talking about him. It's not that I'm embarrassed, it's just as I said before...I'm cautious. I don't want to make the mistakes I did last time in over sharing or using this blog to make people feel things that they shouldn't have to. I just see people in relationships on Facebook for example where they put everything on. All these photos of them kissing and hugging, statuses about their activities, constant tagging and writing on each other's walls....and it feels like hundreds of us are in on this relationship with these two. And then, most of the time it usually does end and you have to put 'single,' and untag yourself in photos, and remove any profile pictures with just you two...it's painful and somewhat embarrassing to have everyone watch your relationship fall apart and that's kind of how I feel about sharing my relationship on this blog like people do on Facebook. My boyfriend and I either break up or get married, so I have to think about the consequences of if we do break up, what will be left behind on the internet for me to clear up or still be reminded of. Just my over thoughtful mind thinking, I guess.
Anyways, that's all a really round about way of saying that although I'm scared to share more, I also really want to because this relationship is a part of my life right now. I learn new things every day that are helping me grow as a person that sometimes I want to share, just like with school, work, self esteem, friends, ect. So I decided to tell you all a little bit how we met and came to dating!
I've known Ryan since I was in seventh grade when we were both on the junior high swim team together. I had an insane crush on him- like, head over heels, puppy dog love that young teenagers have. I told him at the end of my 7th grade school year that I had feelings for him, but he told me that he didn't feel the same way about me. I was young and insecure, and rebounded into dating another boy who I went on to date for five years after that. That summer Ryan had told me that he lied and had actually liked me all along, but had been too shy to say anything along with planning to ask me out later. We both went through high school just as friends but never hung out or anything until last spring when he contacted me. I hadn't seen him in a few years since we had graduated (him a year before me), and we began hanging out last summer.
I didn't have feelings for him at all and it was clear he had very strong feelings for me. But I hadn't even been out of a relationship a year and was still really hung up over my ex boyfriend and just struggling to stay afloat. I really wanted to focus on myself and my relationship with God, and Ryan accepted and respected that. So, we hung out last summer here and there and then I left for college and didn't really think much of it. We ended up going to a Halloween party together in October and talked on and off, and although he knew I didn't like him (I was very clear that he was friend zoned, HA) he still did try to gently pursue me. When I came home for winter break, I found us hanging out more and more and I started to see him differently; less of a friend, and more of a genuinely awesome guy who had been waiting nearly a year to be with me. After one day, it was just hard to see things as I had before and decided that I would think about being in a relationship with him.
It was something I prayed and thought and wrote about for a few months before I decided yes. He even asked me out twice, me saying no both times because I felt unready, before saying yes when he came to visit me in Kent one day this spring.
It's been a really interesting experience being in a relationship again. I would have never thought I would have been in one this time last year, or even six months ago. One of those annoying, cliche old sayings is true...something will come along when you aren't looking. It was important for me to be comfortable and happy being single before getting in a relationship again, and I think that's a big dating rule for me. A person can't make you happy-- you have to be able to make yourself happy first and be satisfied with who you are before you can give yourself to another person. It just complicates things and it's easy to lose sight of who you are if you don't have it established in the first place.
I've been learning a lot and growing a lot from this relationship which makes me happy. It's never perfect, but that's not how I want it to be. I like to experience things and learn along the way and grow in the way I think...I've definitely become more self aware of things I tend to do or say or how I handle situations, and it's been an eye opener. I'm looking forward to continuing to grow as an individual, as well as, with Ryan as we continue through this relationship :)
With much love, Lauren.
