Coral Dress: Forever21.
Floppy Hat: Thrifted.
Tan Sandals: TJ Maxx.
Bracelet: JcPenney's.
Lipstick in Mark's Coral Fixation.
Hello everyone! ♥
I've been going through a lot of changes and feelings lately that have been hard and different to deal with. On the fourth of July my family and I went hiking and my mom actually fell and broke her leg. It's been a stressful and hard last week taking care of her and just having everything changed. You don't realize how much your parents take on until you're taking it on for them...she gets surgery on Monday and it'll be even harder because then she REALLY can't move for two weeks. It's hard because it's so easy for everything to change in your life in a second--it's scary, actually pretty terrifying, because you never know what's next. I know that she's going to be fine though, but it's just kind of turned all of the plans I had for the next month upside down before I go to Italy. But I can't be selfish; I must adjust to these changes and carry on.
Also, for the last few weeks or so I've taken on trying to become more fit! I took up riding a bike again and have fallen in love with it...it was my first step in just deciding I want to live a healthier lifestyle. Since I stopped competitively swimming a few years ago I stopped caring completely about my health and about my body. Ate what I want, didn't exercise, and just...didn't care! I've been considered 'overweight' for my height and age for a few years now and it's always kind of bothered me. I'm the type of person who is perfectly happy with my body and how it is. It took me a LONG time to become satisfied, and to finally be at that point and be told that I shouldn't be? I got super defensive and it made me even more against fitness, and thought that not everyone was supposed to be super thin and fit into this mold. What I was missing though by getting so defensive was the health aspect of things. I wasn't healthy, and I've noticed this in the day to day activities in my life that I do and the way I feel. Although I am satisfied with the appearance of my body, I want to be healthier. I want to be able to do more things and feel better physically. So, I've been doing some exercising when I have time and feel motivated (which I have been pretty good so far), and also watching what I eat. I don't really want to call it dieting, because I'm not cutting out food. I am just a HUGE over eater when it comes to sweets, and I don't need all of the ones that I eat. So I've been watching and being more reasonable with the things I put in my body. I would like to lose 10 pounds, but I don't have a timeline for it. Just at my own pace as I can work on it. I've lost three pounds already, which is exciting and encouraging! It will be nice to keep in mind when I know things will get harder and possibly more discouraging.
Thirdly, I've become very anxious about my trip to Italy. I've just started visualizing things and they're becoming more real now that it's about a month away. It's scary to me, and then that's frustrating to me that I'm scared because...this is what I wanted! I'm going to Europe! It makes me feel selfish and just confused at why I've suddenly become so fearful when I am blessed to have this opportunity. I've kind of been walking around with this knot in my stomach thinking about things and worrying about these struggles I'll be coming across. I had a good cry last night though, talked with my parents, and talked with my boyfriend's mom (who is an awesome Christian woman I really look up to) about things on a spiritual level... and feel a lot better about things with a combination of those. I would always appreciate any prayers you could send me though of keeping positive and having courage for the things I'm going to do...it means so, so much to me! Leave a prayer for me to pray for you about if you need it, too :)
Thank you all for always being here with me through all of the changes I've been in the last few years, last year, and the ones I'm going through now...you all are the reason I can stay strong amidst changes! x
With much love, Lauren.
