My Eyes Found Yours.

6 comments
Dress, Sandals: Aeropostale.
Lipstick in NYX Matte Lipcream 'Prague'

Hello everyone!

It's somewhat personal and I didn't think I wanted to talk about it, but it was just such a cool experience I want to share with you all...it might be somewhat controversial and if you don't believe the same things I do than that's perfectly acceptable. I'm not saying you should! But please respect me and my religious views and have an open mind if you do continue to read on.

So this past week I felt the holy spirit move within me for the first time. It was a very interesting and strange occurrence. In my walk with Christ and my spiritual understanding I have never quite grasped the concept of the holy spirit. I know that it is one with Christ and God the same, and that it is there to be in us for strength. It was something I could never really wrap my mind around though and to be honest, I felt the job of the holy spirit to be somewhat...pointless? (I know it's not). But I had never felt it nor really had any spiritual connection to this third part of the trinity, and so throughout my life I've just not looked into its reality.

This past week I was feeling sort of down for various reasons. I think sometimes I can get in my own head and nothing is really wrong, but through over thinking and my sensitive nature I create things. Anyways, Friday morning I woke up just feeling heavy and burdened but started to get ready for work. I decided to play some music while I was getting ready and put on Prince of Peace: a new song from Hillsong United, the church I've been going to. It's a beautiful song and one I instantly connected to when they played it for the first time a few weeks ago at service. Maybe after it had played once through for some reason my dull mood dissipated and it was replaced with this amazing elation. Almost like the best thing in the world had just happened to me. It came out of nowhere; to go from feeling so meh to feeling 110% energetic and full of abounding happiness. 

I left the apartment just buzzing. That's the word I can use to describe the inward feeling. This buzzing going throughout my whole body and this feeling I felt like I couldn't contain. I was just bursting with happiness and needed to share it with anyone, everyone, because I wanted them to feel what I felt. I smiled like a mad woman for no particular reason on the streets as I walked to the subway and just couldn't stop. I felt like a brilliant light that couldn't be put out. 

I went down to the subway and was unsure whether to take the slower train or the faster and for some reason, was pulled to take the slower. When I got in and looked as the doors closed, I saw that someone had written "Jesus is the way" on a door and I smiled knowing that God was with me that morning.

When I got off the subway the feeling didn't stop but was amplified. I have never felt such an intense, overwhelming need to help people than I did in that moment. I saw a woman walking down the street who was hunched over and wore very dirty socks with no shoes. I walked past her but I was so bothered by what I saw I stopped. I literally walked back and forth, not knowing what to do for her, but yet pulled by this invisible force to help her. I felt like I couldn't leave without talking to her. I just couldn't. So I went up to her and asked if she was hungry or needed anything and she said no. I continued walking along and it wasn't far until I came across a homeless man who was on the ground and his sign said, "homeless and hungry." I knew I had to help him.

The sad fact of NYC is that there are many homeless people. Far, far too many. I see them everywhere I go and it breaks my heart. I look at their pained eyes, dirty feet, and few belongings and ache inside for them. I see the boxes they sleep in and I think about how I take advantage of my own comfortable, warm bed I get to sleep in at night when they sleep inside a box on the cold, wet, dirty streets of NYC. Although my heart aches for them when I pass and I always say a prayer I am ashamed that I never do anything for them. I am always in too big of a rush. I have no money on me. I don't know what to do for them. All of these excuses and it makes me ashamed. 

But this man I could not let go like all of the others I had past. I knew I would be late to work but again, the spirit was just so powerful within me that I stopped to help him. He sat outside a deli and I went in and bought him a sandwich and water. It wasn't much. But it was all I could give him at the time. I gave it to him and his eyes had a little more light than before. I told him to have a good day and that I'd be praying for him...and he told me, "God bless."

I felt the spirit within me for a little while after but soon after I got to work things fizzled out. But I could not shake the feeling of this memory of what I experienced that morning. It is truly unlike anything I've ever felt and know it was the work of the spirit within me. I don't know why. I don't know how. I can't explain why it happened on that morning, why I felt that intense need to help, or why God chose that to be the time to begin to teach me about the holy spirit. But it just was and I know that there is a reason for it all.

I think why I love NYC so much is because of how much I feel Christ's presence here. It is so prevalent to me. I have never been so filled with the love of Christ or inspired to do His will and to be immersed in the life He has planned for me. Not in Ohio, not in Europe did I feel all of this. I know He placed me here for a reason. For actually, so many different reasons. I can't help but shed tears of joy sometimes at the thankfulness I have to be able to spend my summer here and grow as a daughter of Christ in Him and in myself. I do not know what the future holds for me and where He shall place me, but at least I always know that I can find Him in New York. 

With much love, Lauren
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6 lovely little notes:

Alyssa Mullon said...

Dear Lauren,

I am soooo happy for you! That you have discovered the Holy Spirit working inside of you is truly amazing! I don't live in America, but have visited Seattle. It has also burdened my heart to see so many homeless people, and it made me feel guilty that I was living a 'good life' while they had very little. But the best thing you could ever do for them is tell them about Christ and what He has done for you and what He wants to do for them. We can have loads of money and time on our hands and go and buy them a meal, but what is more important is the state of their souls. Because that is really what counts for eternity. Maybe get yourself some Christian tracts to hand out on your way to work, or take a few hours on a weekend and go and talk to them, and let them know that there is someone out in this big world that cares for them. Maybe you have thought of this already. But I just felt like I should share this with you. Maybe it was the Holy Spirit.:D

<3 Alyssa

Anonymous said...

Lauren, this is very inspiring post, thank you so so much for sharing!
Lily

April said...

Lauren, I hope you have many more experiences like this! But just be aware that, no matter how you feel, the Lord is always with you. Regardless of your changing emotions and environments, He is present and always eager to work in and through you as you allow Him.

While I've never been to NYC, I've been blessed to see many parts of the world, and the horrendous poverty and suffering I've witnessed has so overwhelmed me at times that all I could do was cry. But, on the flip side, my most joyful experiences have also been those in which I was ministering to the poor and giving of myself--to me there is nothing more fulfilling. As believers in Christ, we are to be His hands and feet to the least of these, and maybe, just maybe, one reason you are where you are is to be Christ's hands and feet, even in a small way, to the suffering and lost around you. Keep your eyes and your heart open and I will be praying for you!

~April

Natalie said...

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing this ... you have encouraged and inspired me!

Your sister in Christ,
Natalie <3

Jess said...

Luke 11:11-13 says, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

Forming a relationship with the Holy Spirit is one of the most amazing experiences that we're privileged as humans to receive. He is our Counselor, the one who when you don't have the words to pray, intercedes for us (Romans 8:26). I placed those verses from Luke to remind you that the Holy Spirit is definitely something you should present in prayer to God. Ask the Holy Spirit to be your guide each day and to fill you with his presence, peace, and joy that can only be felt through him.

Jasmine said...

SO FABULOUS AND INSPIRING. LET'S HANG OUT. I think I'm getting my new phone tonight.

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