Pussy Bow Blouse, Denim Skirt, T-Strap Heels: Thrifted.
Mustard Beret: Target (& very old).
Welcome to November ♥
Hope that you all had a good Halloween! To be honest, I'm sort of glad it's over with...it's hard for me to explain, but holidays are just never quite fun for me. I'm an over planner. And over thinker. And over-idealizer (if that can be a word). Things like holidays I build up the anticipation for having the picturesque, quintessential time and...it never is. Holidays are technically like every other day of the year except we 'declare' it is something special. So when my holidays turn out like ordinary days (i.e. read homework, grocery shopping, cleaning the house), they feel like failures.
Every holiday I seem to experience apart from Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's which I spend with my family at home, I feel inadequate. And lonely. Yes the perfect descriptor is lonely. I'll maybe get an invite to do something, but usually it's highly unlikely. And really, that's no one's fault but my own. I'm that little a-hole you're always trying to reach and text and message but never seem to get a response from...because 95% of the time I can own up to being a loner and greedily bask in the solitude of being by myself in my spare time. But that other 5% of the time when I just can't seem to stand my loneliness and all I want is just to mean something to someone or spend time with someone...it's usually on the holidays. Because no matter how hard you try to have a "fun personal night in" taking a hot bath, baking cookies for yourself, and catching up on the latest Cosmo...it makes me sad when I hear all the laughter outside as people head to party, clever instagram snaps of group costumes tightly embracing each other, and the pounding of my own loud, intrusive thoughts reminding me that I am the loser who's alone while every else...isn't.
I don't know. I hope someday holidays don't bring me sadness and knock-the-breath-outta-ya bouts of loneliness. Maybe, somewhere I'll find someone as lonely as I am who understands the need to be alone...but also understands, you can't always do it on your own.
With much love, Lauren.
