Grey Lace Dress (similar) | Forever21
Denim Jacket (exact) | Thrifted
Silk Scarf (similar for $10)| Thrifted
Black Pointed Flats (similar) | Thrifted
Loop Ring Tote Bag | Forever21
I don't write so much anymore on here because sometimes I don't know how to write about my life anymore. Things seem so much more complicated then when I started this blog at 16. This was my place to come and write in order to freely to get out all my frustrations. Sometimes I think I spoke a little too candidly about my life. It was hard not to though when I was going through so many emotions and obstacles throughout high school and then college. This blog was my best-friend.
I've graduated now and I suppose I should be an adult. I really try to be. I'm 23 years old and when I was a little girl, I thought this age seemed so old. So responsible. I feel neither of those things. I just feel young still (too young to be doing any of this) and naïve and often times very irresponsible.
What I'm trying to say is. Post-grad life is hard. I was so positive who I was for so many years and maybe that's why it was so easy to write everything on here. I took things at face value for how my life was and accepted it.
I can't accept life now because I have no grasp on it. It's like water slipping through my hands. Sand disappearing through the cracks of my fingers. What do you do with your life after you graduate? Who are you? I was defined by my studies for so long.
"Hi, nice to meet you. My name is Lauren and I'm a fashion merchandising student at Kent State University."
Then it becomes.
"Hi my name is Lauren. I'm...I...Actually, I don't know what I am anymore."
It's not the city that has me questioning who I am. Despite it being so vast and so complicated, I feel like it's easier here to find my way than it would be back in Ohio. In Ohio there's limited options. If I'm feeling desperate and panicked when I have all the options in the world, imagine what I would feel like if I had not so many choices? I imagine very trapped.
I don't feel trapped. I feel free. But a little too free. I want to be grounded. To have a string to follow home when I'm up in the sky soaring around, surveying all around me and trying to figure out my connection to it. They don't teach you how to cope with all of this in college. That should be a requirement before every student graduates. "How to make it in the real world 101 because life is scary as hell."
I'm not sure if I'll ever feel as safely grounded as I did in all my years of school. Perhaps the days of certainty in my life are an abandoned cause. Wandering and confusion can be good for the soul. I'm just scared if I'm gone too long I won't be able to find my way back.
With much love,
Lauren
